


Deliver Me From Evil

by KurlozMakaraTheSecond



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Catholicism, F/M, Pegging, Priest Kink, Priests, Xeno, Xenophilia, sex with a priest, vriska is a troll on earth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:02:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25516201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurlozMakaraTheSecond/pseuds/KurlozMakaraTheSecond
Summary: in which John is a Catholic priest and Vriska is trying to get into his pants. Please don't take this fic seriously.
Relationships: John Egbert/Vriska Serket
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Deliver Me From Evil

Vriska Serket sat in the pews of the large church she attended. She was sitting near the front, because there was really only one reason she truly came to this church. 

The priest. 

God, that preacher was so goddamn sexy to her. She may have been an alien living among humans on their planet, but something about that sweet, juicy ass that she knew he had hidden under his baggy priest garments so deliciously tucked away from her sight made her just feel so... Welcome. At home. 

Anyway, she sat pretending to sing along to those homilies and hymns as she really kept her eyes on the prize that she truly wanted. See, today was finally going to be the day that she finally got a nice taste of that sweet ass that Father John was sporting. She kept faux-singing those sacred tunes that she could really truly give less of a shit about, usually with a bored expression until Father John's eyes trailed over to her area as he looked across the room-- at which point she would put her hands up in the air and pretended that she was getting slammed by the freight truck of The Good Lord's Conviction.

The service seemed to go on for hours, and those hours felt like the longest hours of her life until the organ stopped playing and Father John held up his hands with a smile and began to speak. "And as we wrap up our worship of the good Lord, I ask that you bow your heads down and take this time to silently pray. Pray to the Lord about your wishes, your desires, for others, for your family-- I just ask that you open up your hearts to Him at this time."

Vriska prayed alright, but she didn't pray for anything that this Lord or whatever could bring to her. She closed her eyes and prayed for the one thing she was really here for, the thing that was finally going to be delivered to her on this day, no more waiting-- She prayed to be able to slip her thick bulge into John's wonderful, delicious, hallowed ass. A choice cut, truly befitting of someone who, from what she understood, had some divine right bestowed upon him by his God. 

She just loved the idea of that virginal, holy body being under her as she slammed her thick, cerulean bulge into Father John's tight ass. The thought of that made her shiver. 

As she sat there fantasizing and pretending to actually be caring about slash praying for whatever was going on in the world, she didn't notice that people had begun to file out of the church until someone brushed past her knee, at which her eyes shot open. She resisted the urge to growl a "Watch it and don't fucking touch me" very narrowly. She took a deep breath and collected herself, noticing the strange stares she was getting for being the only alien in a church full of humans and reveling in them. She lived for the attention. 

When everyone had filed out except for a few of the clergy members and Father John himself, Vriska stood up and walked up to the platform that John was standing on , organizing some papers at his lectern and reading over some Bible verses. She gave a weary look at the bible, but quickly snapped back into pretending that she gave a shit about religion. Vriska put on her best innocent little face and held her hands together, tilting her head to the side as she looked up at the priest in front of her. Her prey. She cleared her throat and he looked down at her, his eyes catching on her strange horns and observing her grey skin. He quickly smiled, though, and closed the bible in front of him. 

“What have you come to me for, my child? Are you lost? Do you seek the good Lord’s knowledge to help carry you through your travels, to be a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path?”

Vriska tried not to cringe. Remember, this guy’s hot, she told herself. If she wanted a fighting chance at that ass, she’d have to be careful with the way she carried herself. She would have to pretend that she was as deep into this religion stuff as he was. At least, until he was under her. That was all she wanted. Father john, *under* her… A shiver. 

The priest furrowed his brows and placed a hand on the troll’s shoulder. “My child?” Right. She hadn’t responded. 

“Father John, right? I needed your help with something. I just don’t feel safe. I feel like the Devil is trying to get a hold of my soul--” Perfect. He’d have to help her, now. He frowned and opened up his bible, putting a finger under the words as he read out loud. 

“Joshua 1:9: ‘I command you: be firm and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.’ This is what you need, my child. I have not seen you or any of your kind here before, so I can only assume that you are new to the idea of being a child of the Lord. Fear not, I will help guide you on your path to salvation, and we will deliver you from the cold hands of the Devil.” John gently squeezed Vriska’s shoulder with a soft smile that made her *melt*.

“I can’t wait to be… Delivered.” Vriska said. Shit, what was she supposed to say? She hadn’t studied the Catholic religion nearly enough to understand even a lick of what he was saying. She bit down on her cerulean-tinted lip as she stared at the priest. She also didn’t really enjoy him calling her ‘my child’-- No, she wasn’t a child. And she was about to fuck the shit out of him, so that made the situation of that name all the more uncomfortable. She brushed it off, though. He wouldn’t be calling her that for long. 

Then, an idea popped into her head. A sure way to get him near her respiteblo-- her *bedroom*. Human terminology was weird. “Thank you, and uh… You know, one reason I’m just so afraid of the Satan’s grasp recently is that strange stuff has been happening around my hi-- my *apartment*, and I think we maaaaaaaay be dealing with a demon here…” That’s right, Vriska. Lure him into your hiv- no, your APARTMENT, and then you’ll have him right where you want him. 

John looked surprised for a second, but then nodded solemnly and closed his eyes, head looking down. “You know that I have to check this out, after hearing of this. Can I follow you back to your home after I gather the necessary materials to ward off Satan’s emissaries?” He had a compassionate smile when he opened his eyes once again. 

“Of course, Father John. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Vriska smirked inwardly. Right where she wanted him.


End file.
